*Picture from lifesphotographer.com. We ended up with AMAZING pictures because she really knew how to work with Pumpkin!*
Here I am…again. Finally able to stand being behind a computer and having the ability to put feelings to words on a page without feeling horribly ill.
My big surprise announcement is that after a year and a few months of trying to get pregnant and experiencing losses we are finally pregnant! I’m writing about it now vs 12 weeks ago, because I was too nauseous to even put it to words. I have this awesome ability to feel even more nauseous when I look at electronics while pregnant. This happened with Pumpkin and is happening now as well.
I am currently 13 weeks pregnant (actually 17 by the time I published this). I have only told a few people because the initial joy of being pregnant was replaced by constant sickness, stress, worry and crying. We found out I was pregnant pretty early on using an early test stick called Wondfo. Which I use during early tests because they are super cheap. First Response tests are great but they are also expensive, so you want to save those for as the line gets darker.
Literally right after we found out my stress and worry started. What if it’s in the wrong place? What if I lose my right tube now? What if we don’t catch it in time? Basically having an Ectopic in the past, turns your happy moment into a complete cluster F* of stress.
I called my OB who saw me right away due to my past history and we started beta tests. The numbers increased and then around 5 weeks we did an ultrasound. Ruled out Ectopic because Sac was in the right place, but no baby yet. At the seven week ultrasound we saw a flicker of a heartbeat and a bigger sac.
So we’re out in the clear right? No more stress? OH SO WRONG.
Ectopic was out of the picture, but then came the stress of miscarriage. I started spotting and didn’t have that with Pumpkin. I was so stressed that this meant horrible things. But scans looked good and we just kept moving forward hoping for the best.
The nausea got worse. Which everyone says is a good sign. So I dealt with it. I went to a Blogging Conference only to leave because I felt so sick. I rushed home crying and feeling horrible that I couldn’t spend a weekend with friends focusing on my craft. But my body knew something was wrong. The next morning at 3am, I passed a huge blood clot. At that point I was hysterical. I put the clot in a baggy (I know crazy but I didn’t know what it was), told my husband what happened and waited until 8am to call my OB. The whole time thinking the worse had just happened.
Thankfully a scan showed that the baby was still there with a very strong heartbeat. Baby has been growing great since then.
But did the stress stop? No.
Because of my age…up next was the Genetics exam. The last hurdle. I won’t get too much into this because everyone has an opinion on it, but basically I was incredibly relieved when our test came back without any issues.
Which brings us to 13 weeks. We’re happy and celebrating and I’m finally talking about being pregnant. I’m still nervous but that’s part of my nature. I have wanted to share this whole time to discuss my stress and tears because this is what women who have experienced a loss go through. All the doubt, all the worry. It takes over what should be a very happy time in your life. My Ectopic changed me, but for now I can be hopeful about my Rainbow Baby.