Today’s Facebook memory said the following:
Only a few contractions today, but it was nice to work from home. My focus was a lot better because I’m comfortable. Just wish the work on our bathroom was done but in the meantime, just nesting and trying to prepare!
I had been getting contractions for a few weeks but it was starting to get me winded, so I made the decision to work from home for another couple of weeks before going on Maternity Leave. The note above was 11/07/2016 and my original due date was 12/10/2016. I thought I had plenty of time!
It was election day and I remember as the results were coming in, it was getting harder and harder to breathe. I was feeling stronger contractions and I reminded myself to do belly breaths to try and calm myself down. The utter despair I felt with 45 winning the election was exhausting. I couldn’t believe this was happening. Went to bed that night stunned but nothing out of the ordinary physically.
Alarm went off around 7am and while going to the potty, I felt something like a trickle that wouldn’t stop. My water never broke with Pumpkin so I had no idea what to expect. Movies show that water breaks as a gush, but this was more of a trickle that wouldn’t stop. I had no pain, but I knew we had better go to the hospital to see what was going on. I called my OB, my parents (to drop off Pumpkin) and then my boss (to tell him I wouldn’t be able to work that day). I didn’t have contractions yet, so I took my time in the shower, and then I had to pack. Because it was a month early, I didn’t have anything ready for a hospital trip. We’re lucky the camera was charged.
By the time we reached my parent’s house to drop off Pumpkin, the contractions were starting. I was still “leaking”. I patiently gave my parents her overnight bag (that I just packed) and told them we’ll call if anything. Literally by the time we pulled out of the driveway I could barely walk. The pain was SUPER F’ing intense. On the freeway to the hospital, I was gripping the side of the door frame because the pain was so strong. When we got to the hospital, I couldn’t walk, so my husband had to run inside to get someone with a wheelchair. I remember being wheeled into the maternity ward, and just screaming and crying about the pain. I was trying to do breathing, but damn that pain was too much.
I got checked in and the nurse checked how far along I was. She said baby is coming and asked if I wanted to try and have the baby naturally. I had an emergency c-section with my first. I thought I always wanted a VBAC and here was God giving me the chance. But all I could hear in my head was my OB’s voice about the potential dangers of pushing because we didn’t know the extent of the scar tissue from the pregnancy and the ectopic. Amidst the pain, I told the nurse that I wanted a c-section. I remember the look of disgust on the nurse’s face because I wouldn’t try. I can’t get that out of my mind. I do have regret for not trying. He was crowning which means that he was right there, but I was so scared something would go wrong.
I remember being wheeled into the surgery room and screaming that I was going to have to push him out.Oddly that’s sort of the last thing I remember. I don’t even know when my husband came in the room or my OB. I also don’t remember lying down on the table or being ready to be cut open. But I have pictures and I do remember listening for his cry. I remember looking for him as the OB held our baby boy up. I wonder if I don’t remember because I was passed out or if I don’t remember as a coping mechanism because of the pain. I’m completely uncertain.
They put him to my chest after they did some initial “nurse stuff”. It was sooner than when I had Pumpkin, so that made me happy. We were really fortunate that although he was a month premature, he was only 5lbs 7oz at birth, the only real issue we had was some jaundice.
I have some regrets with how I handled the birth. I wish I had “gone for it” and had a natural birth. But at the same time, my gut tells me I did the right thing by making sure he was born healthy and that I was okay throughout the experience.
It’s hard thinking about how this was my last time being pregnant. My last birth. My last baby. My baby is now one. A toddler. He’s overcome hip dysplasia and a flat head and is already getting ready to run around the house. His will is strong and he is definitely our little dare devil. But he does love his mommy and I love him so much. Our family of four is complete. Even if that is forced.
Advice I would give to others concerning birth? Be ready for everything and anything. Pack your bags a month before due date. Because you never know and you will want something to pull your hair back or look presentable if you have visitors. Most of all…live in the moments, take care of baby and yourself. Be an advocate for both. Listen to your body..you will know if something is wrong.